I distinctly remember when I was first introduced to Janus. The third year of college, when we had that crazy film festival. As I huddled into that small screening room, just before “Rashomon” started rolling, the screen filled with these words JANUS FILMS

Which I pronounced at that time as ജാനൂസ്… but then, “Why did the logo have a man’s face?”
That intrigue lasted only for seconds, as Kurosawa’s magic swept across my senses and imagination; and Janus was drowned somewhere deep as an episodic memory.

It was only years later when seeing other classics, of Fellini, Bergman, and others at a Bangalore film club, that I would again see the name of this distribution company flash by before those films started.

At this point I need to clarify, this article isn’t about those films, or even about the distribution company called “JANUS FILMS”.

Although it is about Janus.

I can’t clearly recall how, maybe it started as an inquiry into “How did one company land distribution of so many timeless classics?”. As it is with wayward internet quests, one wiki click led to another, and I came to eventually understand that it wasn’t ജാനൂസ്… and that Janus [ജെനസ്] is a Roman God. He is


the God of gates and doorways,
the God of transitions, time, duality,
the God of beginning and endings

The Romans depicted him having two faces, one looking forward into the future and the other looking back into the past.

It’s also said that January was named after Janus, it is after all a time when we look back on the past year and make decisions/resolutions/promises on the year that’s starting. Anyways, I’m digressing again, this isn’t a rant about Roman mythology or their Gods.

Although it is about Janus.

I’ve often found myself at such spots where I’m neither here nor there yet, fleetingly looking back and taking that timid step into the freakish unknown. It’s also like when you’re about to change lanes and, before turning the steering, look into the rear-view mirror where the writing says “…things are closer than they appear”

But nowadays more and more, Janus is not just a metaphor. I feel we all have a time in our lives when Janus confronts us.

For me, it seems like that is now.

Janus holds my hand and suddenly I’m at a recent wedding function. Someone comes up to me and asks if we should light the lamp with three wicks or five. A wonderful wave of euphoria tingles all over me, of being simultaneously clueless as well as the go-to-person-for-answers, this must be what politicians feel all the time. I say “Three wicks, not five”, then I hold my fingers up and repeat authoritatively “Three! Ok!!”

And then, as I turn to one side, I remember… like it was yesterday when 20 years back I would have been snickering at the older patriarchs for issuing such meaningless edicts in family gatherings and marriages.
On the other side, I see the next 20 years where lamps for marriages in our family will now be lit with three wicks, just because I said so.

40 is a good age to hang around with Janus, to look back at where we came from, and where we are going.

It’s the weekend before school closes, and we are in home-cleaning mode. While living in concrete boxes measured by square feet, and constrained city spaces, accumulation of ‘stuff’ is directly proportional to the reduction in liveable space. A more succinct version of that is,
it’s just a matter of time before possession becomes clutter

So there I am, towering over my 8-year-old daughter, staring at a huge pile of old scribbles, torn flip-books, flaky paintboxes, broken toys, and a stuffed unicorn that is simultaneously leaking some powdery stuff and also smiling. And that’s just the stuff lying out, there are 3 or 4 shelves full of this in the wardrobes. Wondering what to call a wardrobe that doesn’t contain robes or a cupboard that doesn’t contain cups. Anyways, getting her to dump those were easy, but when we come to her pile of books, she puts her foot down.

“No, we won’t throw them away”, I say, and add reassuringly “It’s going to go to a library”

“No! That IS NOT clutter”

“But you don’t read any of those anymore”

“I do!”, she says, glaring at me as if saying “How dare I say something so blasphemous about Dr. Seuss and her”

Janus taps me on my shoulder and says I should try picking on someone my own size. And in a flash, I’m transported 6 months back to the last Onam holidays. I’m back home with my aging mother and we are wasting whatever precious time we have together, discussing… plastics!

I’ve just discovered that my mother has a huge pile of plastic bags, of all sizes and shapes that she can’t[won’t] throw away. There is another bottom shelf of her kitchen that has hordes of bottles and containers as well.

“Where will I get bottles, when I need to pack achaar for you to take back?”

“But see how much space it takes!”

I’m definitely not winning this argument with mummy bringing up her dates and carrot achaar.

“And then, what if it leaks?”, adds my ever-logical mum, “So, I need to wrap it a bag too naa!”

“But…” I’m talking almost to myself now.” But… but the kitchen and cabinets are all so messy and cluttered!”

I realize I’m just repeating the same point over and over again. Janus sneers at me as if saying “Just imagine how you were bullying the child”

But at that moment somewhere at 40 looking back and forward, thru my child and mother, Janus is talking to me about possessions.

Janus beckons to me, and I see we are now in my room, I’m crouched over my study desk, which I haven’t opened for a good 15 years. From among the numerous school and college books, that I will never read again, and the dissection set and geometry box I will never touch again, I find a mouldy envelope, full of color photo clipping from old Sunday newspapers supplements. Those scraps I hold in my hands are the tangible physical manifestation of what my Pinterest cache as a 14-year-old would look like. The pertinent question in my mind isn’t “Should I trash these or not?”, instead its “They don’t take so much space anyway, right?”.

So, what are possessions? Well…

  • We are at an age where we want to possess more or be possessed by something, maybe even intangible stuff like an idea or a goal.
  • We are at an age where we can [are capable of/or want to] possess things by capacity of our thought process or will power, and if nothing else by our purse.
  • We are also at an age where we want to let go of possessions, as carrying lots of baggage is just tiring us out. And in walks the gurus and ideas of “dis-possess”, “free yourself”, “declutter your life”

My child shows me that wanting to possess starts quite early on and is innately natural.
My mother shows me that the possession can’t be quantified, it is not about quality or any other such paradigm.
And Janus seems to be showing me that lecturing dis-possession to others is much easier than I can practice for myself.

While I stand in this moment, Janus says “And while you’re thinking, I’m getting a fucking drink”

Sairam Sadanandan